Holly Wood- Sex Therapist

Community News, Health and Safety — By Buddy Sampson on July 27, 2020 at 6:00 pm

Sex and Intimacy in the age of Covid-19

By Buddy Sampson

We are living in a troubled age. A troubled age in which the coronavirus, Covid 19 has redefined trauma and sexual relationships. Pre-Covid-19, many people, especially women, have been subjected to rape and the trauma associated with rape for decades. However, there are professionals that have dedicated their lives and careers to helping survivors of trauma. One of those heroines is the lovely Holly Wood, of Santa Monica, California.

Holly Wood has devoted her career to helping victims of sexual trauma. But why did she choose being a sex therapist as a career? “Helping survivors of sexual trauma has been dear to my heart, both personally and professionally,” said Holly Wood, who attended the University of California, Riverside. “I originally volunteered at my local rape crisis center when I was still in my undergraduate career and from then on, I actually became a marriage and family therapist to focus on further helping sexual assault survivors.”

Unfortunately, survivors of sexual assault and trauma are more common than we would want to believe. It can be your sister, your mother, your friend, your cousin. Or your niece or nephew. “As somebody that identifies as a survivor themselves, I just want to help people in ways that I would have wanted to be helped,” said Holly. Holly works with trauma survivors to help them adjust and cope, promoting healing. “I work with survivors of sexual trauma to reclaim their power and reclaim their bodies by using trauma-informed therapy and rebuilding the mind/body connection so that they can reduce symptoms of trauma and increase their experiences of pleasure,” she explained.

In 2020, we are in a very unexpected age of isolation and lack of intimacy. Dating during the crisis, is well, quite a challenge. What can singles expect during the world-wide crisis? “I think we can definitely expect a surge and online dating and dating apps during covid-19 and the age of social distancing,” said Holly.  “This can make things tough for people to who are used to meeting in spaces like bars, clubs, or for a quick coffee date, but it opens up quite a few other opportunities.”

For example, Holly explains, Skype and Zoom dates will see a surge in popularity. Holly sees a silver lining in the development of intimacy and connection during the era of Coronavirus.  “These can be great because it gives people a chance to connect and develop emotional and intellectual connections without the pressure of physical intimacy,” said Holly of applications such as Skype and Zoom. “It also provides opportunities to be creative. For instance, you can both choose to bring the same wine to your virtual date, so it is if you are sharing a bottle. Or you can order for food to be delivered to your date so that you can share a meal virtually.”

Holly maintains that virtual dates can also give potential of seeing your partner’s lifestyle, giving a glimpse into a person’s life.  “You can see what their home looks like, what books are on their shelves, what art is on the wall, etc.,” said Holly.  “It seems that this may be the new normal, at least for a while, but it doesn’t have to put a total damper on your dating life.”

However, digital dating may not be for everyone. Holly Wood believe that now is a time of self-reflection and getting in tune with your own body.  “I think self-isolation is as good a time as any to turn our attention to ourselves,” said the therapist. “This is the time to focus on our own desires and self-fulfillment, to fall in love with ourselves, and to examine what it is we really want and need in a relationship when that time comes. Furthermore, with the threat of becoming infected with coronavirus from being within six feet of another, the safest person to have sex with is yourself.” The stunning therapist continues, “So, go ahead, masturbate! Not only is it a great tool to understand your body and determine how you liked to be touched, but it releases all sorts of feel good hormones that will help you relax. And in the midst of a global pandemic, who can’t use a little extra stress-relief?”

But how do couples handle intimacy in the covid-19 age?

“Shelter-in-place has truly become a test for relationships,” she admitted.  “Whether you were already living with your partner and adjusting to them working from home, or if you were forced to shelter-in-place and begin living together sooner than expected, Covid-19 is showing up as a catalyst that can either make or break relationships.”

If you are in this situation, Holly recommends a few things to keep in mind when it comes to your relationship:

1. Remember that you (and your partner) are probably not your best self, right now. Living in a global pandemic has naturally raised everyone’s level of anxiety, which is going to impact how we relate to those closest to us. If you find you and your partner are more on edge lately, you probably are! But be kind to yourselves (and each other) by giving gentle reminders that we are all collectively experiencing a greater level of stress.
2. Remember that everything is changing. If you have had to change the way you shop for groceries, or change the way you educate your children, it is likely that sex is going to change. For some, being at home has increased the frequency of sex, and for others, it is actually decreased! This is likely due to the increased level of stress they are experiencing, among several factors. The best thing to do to address this is to talk about it. Have as open a dialogue about sex as you do about how you are going to safely go to the supermarket.
3. Set up some boundaries. With shelter-in place, it is likely that the lines between home and work are blurring and you and your partner may be stepping on each other’s toes more often. It is important to set some boundaries with both. Set time for work, but also time for play. Set time for hanging out with your partner, but also indulge in a little alone time.
4. And above all else, communicate! Most of us assume our partners can read our minds, but that is simply not true. Learn how to communicate your needs, whether it is more connection, more alone time, space to work or whatever. And check in with what your partner needs as well. Then work as a team. As with most things, we are stronger when working together, even in the era of social distancing!

A Los Angeles based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, EMDR trained Trauma Specialist, and Clinical Sexologist specializing in trauma, sex, and intimacy concerns, Holly Wood MS, LMFT is currently pursuing her PhD in Human Sexuality at the California Institute of Integral Studies, focusing on sexual trauma and social justice.

Holly is committed to sexual wellness by working with clients to get past their past and develop the necessary skills to achieve lifelong change for a more pleasurable and connected life. Have you experienced trauma associated with sexual assault? Are you a couple that needs counseling and guidance on problems associated with intimacy? Contact Holly Wood.   She can be reached at hollywoodmft@gmail.com and https://www.hollywoodmft.com/.